Ben’s Friends: Sobriety, Solidarity, and Survival in the Industry That Never Sleeps

The food and beverage industry runs on intensity. Long, adrenaline-packed nights. Financial insecurity. Relentless pressure. Unpredictable schedules. And, of course, easy access to alcohol.

It’s an industry that thrives on passion and resilience—but too often, it quietly normalizes burnout, substance abuse, and silence.

For decades, alcohol and drugs have been stitched into restaurant culture: the shift drink, the after-hours unwind, the belief that coping means numbing. For many, that culture becomes not a release, but a reckoning.

Ben’s Friends exists because too many never made it through that reckoning.

Born From Loss, Built for Change

Born from heartbreak—and from the refusal to let that heartbreak be meaningless—Ben’s Friends was founded in 2016 in honor of Ben Murray, a respected restaurant friend and colleague, who took his life following years of addiction. His death, though incredibly painful and profound, was not an isolated tragedy. It was part of a devastating pattern that too many in the industry recognized all too well.

Those closest to Ben could no longer stand by and watch gifted, hardworking people lose their health, their careers, and sometimes their lives. Through grief, honesty, and resolve, Ben’s Friends was founded as a living response to loss by longtime restaurateurs and sober leaders in the community, Mickey Bakst and Steve Palmer, who today have 43 and 24 years of sobriety, respectively. 

What began as a few people coming together in Charleston to support one another has grown into something far greater than anyone imagined. “We never in our wildest dreams thought a decade later, this organization would have grown outside of the Charleston area,” says Mickey.

Growth Beyond What Was Imagined

And yet, what began as a small, local response in Charleston has grown into a national movement, with meetings in 25+ cities and a robust virtual presence.

When COVID shut down the restaurant world in March 2020, Ben’s Friends adapted immediately. On March 23, 2020, the organization launched its first Zoom call to make meetings more accessible for those locally and beyond. Today, it hosts 17 virtual meetings each week, including men’s, women’s, and family support meetings—expanding access to those who might never have been able to attend in person.

Meetings are open to anyone interested in sobriety: those who are sober, trying to get sober, or simply questioning their relationship with substances. There are no dues, no pressure, no judgment. Meetings are free, one hour long, casual in format, and intentionally welcoming. Members may listen or share—whatever feels right. 

Anonymity is respected. Compassion is the standard.

Why Sobriety Support Is Essential in Hospitality

Ultimately, Ben’s Friends is a coalition of sober food and beverage and hospitality professionals—chefs, cooks, servers, bartenders, hosts, managers, and operators—committed to sobriety in an industry saturated with stress, alcohol, and drugs.

In this environment, addiction doesn’t stand out—it blends in.

That’s why industry-specific support is essential. Ben’s Friends is built by people who understand restaurant life not theoretically, but viscerally. It speaks the language of the line, the bar, the dining room, and the back office.

It doesn’t ask members to leave the industry to get well. It helps them learn how to stay, survive, and thrive.

Leadership at Ben’s Friends is not defined by titles or hierarchy, but by lived experience, accountability, and a deep commitment to service. Every leader within the organization brings between two and forty years of sobriety and shows up not as an authority, but as a peer—someone who has walked the same path and is willing to walk alongside anyone still finding their way.

Those ethos began with the organization’s co-founders. Together, their decades of sobriety provide credibility, yes, but also clarity; clear proof that long-term recovery and a meaningful, successful career in food and beverage are not only possible but sustainable.

Beyond F+B Support

Charleston is also supported by a broader network of recovery and mental health organizations serving individuals and families beyond the food and beverage world. Groups like Step 1 Recovery work to fund access to treatment for people in the Tri-County area affected by substance use disorder who cannot afford traditional recovery options, while partnering with recovery facilities, government entities, and fellow nonprofits to raise awareness and provide ongoing support. 

WakeUp Carolina offers free programs and services that empower young people, individuals, and families impacted by substance use, relying on community generosity, volunteers, and partnerships to expand access to care. Complementing this work, AFSP South Carolina focuses on suicide prevention through public education, innovative prevention programs, funding for research, and compassionate outreach to those who have lost someone to suicide, bringing together families, mental health professionals, educators, community leaders, and survivors in a shared effort to save lives and strengthen the community.

Values That Guide the Work

At its core, Ben’s Friends is guided by a clear set of values that shape every meeting, conversation, and decision: We, Cope, Honesty, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Service. These values are not aspirational—they are lived, practiced daily, and woven into the way the community shows up for one another.

Ben’s Friends exists because someone had to act.

And ten years later, they still are—one meeting, one message, one life at a time.

If You or Someone You Love Needs Support

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 | www.988lifeline.org

Nikki Wood